New picture! 9:52 PM

Weight: 282.0
Mood: Pleasant

It is with great joy and satisfaction that I write this post today. After a month, I have broken the 20 pound barrier. I feel good, and seeing the scale today really gave me a sense of accomplishment. I looked at my starting picture, and then my wife helped me take two new ones today, and that helped me see the difference a month can make as well. So, I'll post them for you to enjoy as well! Hooray me! I know I still have a long way to go, but it's cool to see that in a month I can accomplish so much.

back in the saddle. 8:32 AM

Weight: 285.3
Mood: Okay

Here's the week four recap:


Starting weight: 285.7
Ending weight: 285.3
This week's loss: 0.4
Total loss: 19.7
Averaging .701 pounds lost per day.

Hey look! I still lost weight! For how this weekend went I would say that is a huge accomplishment. Yesterday I had a pretty good eating day, accept my biggest thing is I need to start changing when I eat. Since my shift ends at 9:00, I find my self having something around then, usually right before bed. Yesterday I totaled up everything I ate before 9 and the total didn't even hit 800 calories. So I had to eat something when I got home, but I know that when I weighed in it was probably still sitting there in my stomach. So for the rest of the week I'm going to have my bigger meal at home, before I go into work. Then, when I get home, I'll have something small like a piece of fruit or something like that. And water. Tons of water.

Even though I didn't lose a whole pile of weight, I still feel good. I know that I can go through a rough patch and at least maintain the weight that I'm currently at without undoing all of my hard work. I've still got a long road ahead of me, but I think that everything's gonna be alright.

My first epic failure. 9:35 PM

Weight: To huge to weigh
Mood: Defeated.

So in case you're wondering why I haven't been on here it's because I failed. I know I can't hide from it for forever but I am delaying my weigh in until monday. Here's the scoop.

My wife is ill. Not like the "oh man this head cold sucks" but like locked in the bedroom, sleeping 16 hours a day for two days incapacitated. My son woke up from a nap with a limp like two days ago. No one knows why he had a limp, he just had a limp. After taking him to the doctor and getting x-rays and all of that the answer our doctor told us just to wait it out. After a couple of days he's certainly improving, and so that's a good sign.

The reason I tell you this is to tell you why I decided that this weekend I don't care about what I'm eating. You can call it selfish, or lame, or whatever you want, but the reason I decided that calories don't count this week is because it would be too overwhelming to watch what I eat. I'm not saying that I can't handle portion control AND taking care of a child AND nursing my wife back to health. I just don't really want to. Look. I've done awesome. I've lost almost 20 pounds. I'm not going to gain all of that back in 2 days. My goal is just to get my overeating out of my system this weekend, to simply eat what I want, when I want, with no structure, and start back fresh on Monday, with my will resolved and back in order.

Thank you for your time and understanding.

hump day is such a dirty day. 10:58 AM

Weight: 286.6
Mood: froggy

So, I gained yesterday. Almost a pound. When I get home I can't fight the urge to snack. After having my dinner at work, I came home, had pretty much another dinner AND topped that off with a PB and J bagel. Then I watched the NFL Schedule release show and went to bed.

So this morning I went ahead and hopped on the treadmill. I did thirty minutes and then did sit ups and a few push ups. I feel better about myself now. Even if I didn't do anything for my physical health (even though I'm sure I did) just getting back on track is helping my head mentally. I'm coping with the schedule change, and am starting to see some of the benefits (though I'm still not sure if they outweigh the downsides). Not needing an alarm clock is awesome. I get annoyed with that damn buzzer so not having to hear it has put me in a better mood in the morning. Maddox is a morning person too. He is much cheerier when I play with him in the AM than sending him to bed at night. And I get to stay up later which lets my wife and I go to bed at the same time. Which is also nice.

The boss canceled our overtime for the week. Hooray. I get a weekend! Who knows how long it will last, but at least I can enjoy it now. The weekend will give me extra time to work hard for my steak. Only a few more pounds to go.... I can practically taste it.

Week 3 Recap 7:40 AM

Weight: 285.7
Mood: decent

Sorry about not posting again yesterday. I'm adjusting to a new schedule. I have to make time for this at different times of the day. Stupid job.

Starting weight: 291.0
Ending weight: 285.7
This week's loss: 5.3
Total loss: 19.3
Averaging .919 pounds lost per day.

I had my first day on the swing shift yesterday. It wasn't too bad, but when I got home I definitely felt like snacking. I gotta watch that. Yesterday I didn't really feel bad about maybe overeating because my stomach still wasn't feeling well from the hike on Sunday. Putting food in my stomach actually made me feel better, so I guess the snacking was necessary.

My biggest problem with this shift is how much time it takes me away from my son. In order to work a 10 hour day (hooray for overtime) I have to go in to work at 10:30 am. I still don't get home until 9:00, when my son has already been put to bed. I tried arguing that for overtime's sake I'd rather just stay later rather than go in earlier, since my son's in bed anyway, but the heartless bastards didn't really get that I put my family first. Oh well. This too shall pass I suppose.

The hike of doom. 8:51 PM

Weight: 286.6
Mood: Exhausted

First off I apologize for the skip day yesterday. I was busy playing video games after my boy went to bed and I couldn't pull myself away. Sorry.

Today I am beat. I went on about a six mile hike today, and it was ridiculous. We hiked the Humes Ranch trail following the Elwha River. We also to a scenic detour to view the goblin's gate. During the hike I didn't feel like I over did it, but when I got home I was just destroyed. I seriously am feeling the burn. I hope it goes away when I go to bed.

I ate really good, the hike being partly responsible. I packed myself a footlong sub and only ate half, along with a couple of granola bars, an apple and a bunch of water. Aside from that I ate a bowl of cereal, a banana, some oatmeal, and a bottle of Gatorade.

After my hike, I lost my appetite, felt like I had a temperature, and pretty much felt like death. I don't know why either. Maybe I picked up a bug out in the wilderness. Maybe it's from the little bit of sun I got. Maybe I'm just wiped out. Either way, I feel sucky.

Today was a good day though. And, because of my new work shift, I get to stay up late tonight. So I guess this whole lifestyle changing work deal isn't all bad.

Quickie! 10:17 PM

Weight: 289.5
Mood: Tired.

Just got done playing Grand Theft Auto IV. I have five hours till I have to wake up for work tomorrow. We shall see you then.

Rant. 7:19 PM

Weight: 291
Mood: Run for the hills.

Today was just plain bad. Not only did I get on the scale only to find myself a pound heavier than yesterday, but I go to the job that I can't stand and get totally disrespected by my boss. Ooh, I was hot today.

Let me rephrase my previous statement. I actually really like my job. For those of you who don't know, I'm a composites fabricator for a small aerospace company. It is my job to create airplane parts for our customers using pneumatic air tools such as saws, grinders, sanders, and the like out of panels consisting of carbon fiber, fiberglass, and Kevlar. It's really cool and rewarding work, because I know I'm going to make something that will fly in the sky. My job is awesome.

The people I do my job for are complete tools. They have no understanding of the things that they put those that work for them through, or have any grasp on what sacrifices we make that have to do our job. I have been working overtime for all but maybe 4 weeks scattered intermittently throughout this year. Super Bowl weekend (practically a holiday for a football geek like me) I had to work straight through as the middle of a 12 day-straight bender to get a few parts done on time.

All in all I don't mind working the hours, because it only helps my paycheck every two weeks. But after four months of this, I am starting to fatigue. Currently I'm working 52 hours a week, which consists of 3 ten hour days, two 8 hour days, and a six hour day on Saturday.

None of that, the hours I work, or the idiocy of the management could prepare me for what I had to deal with today. After nearly six years of continuous employment and work on a day shift my supervisor decides to give me four days notice that I'm being moved to another shift, starting six hours later than my usual start time. Without asking. Without notice. Without even letting me know to my face. Instead, she has one of her lame cronies go and type up a schedule change notice and post it for everyone to see. How awesome for me to have to learn of this change without anyone even telling me.

It's not that I mind the shift change. I actually had approached management about the change, because it might be something I would have been interested in. Most places in manufacturing environments give a shift differential to those who work less desirable shifts. Every time I tried to sit down with a boss though, they were either too busy or not at work that day. But I get it. I mean, I know in all reality, and I'm sure in other work environments, that is a normal deal. I know of grocery store employees who change shifts frequently, for example. But where I work that's not part of the culture. So it is a tough pill to swallow.

Anyways, you couple this whole day with the fact that I'm hungry and you have one pissed off bear that feels like he's behind the bars at the zoo being poked with a stick. Rage in a cage. That was me all day at work.

So I got home and felt totally deflated. Two of the three big deals in my life (my health kick, my job, and my family) were broken, for whatever reason. So I have done nothing since I got home. I didn't work out. I'll probably do some crunches before bed. I ate pretty good, but not like I would any other day. I just decided today was hopeless and I'd start fresh tomorrow.

All in all I know it's not the end of the world. Working from 12:30 to 9:00 pm does have it's upsides. I can spend time with Maddox in the morning. Sunday night I can stay up till 1 am and still get to work on time the next day. I can consider going to school part time if I want to. But I will miss having dinner with my wife and son and also sending him off to bed with a hug and kiss every night. I won't get to watch the NFL Draft next week, which I totally had my heart set on. I'll miss the Monday night football games, the thursday night football games, and, well, anything else that is on in the evenings. But I guess that isn't like life or death or anything.

But hey, at least it frees me up for morning job interviews now. Sorry for the rant. It had to come out though. Tomorrow's another day, and I'm sure it will be a better one.

*sigh* 7:40 PM

Weight: 289.7
Mood: run-down.

Work has me annoyed. I've been working overtime for what feels like an eternity and it's just got me beat. I hope we get a break soon.

In other news, today I did another 40 minutes on the treadmill and also played with a ball outside with Jade. I ate really well. The candy basket got me again, but I still feel like I did awesome regardless. Yay for me.

Every day should be saturday. 7:14 PM

Weight: 291
Mood: sore

No change in weight today. Must mean I'm building muscle. Yeah. Good theory. I ran on the treadmill for an hour today, which came out to about 3 miles. My legs definitely feel like they ran three miles. I don't think I have ever ran that much. It's kind of a milestone.

The Easter basket at my parent's house is the bane of my existence right now. It's chock full of little bite sized candies, like Hershey Kisses and Reese's filled Eggs and pretty much is impossible for me to stay out of. I know one piece of candy won't derail me, but it's hard eat just one and be content.

Other than that today was a good day. I'm excited that tomorrow is my last ten hour workday for the week, and I can get back to sleeping until 5 am. Ah, sleep. How I miss thee. I get the feeling that this is going to be a good week.

Week 2 recap 7:47 PM

Weight: 291.0
Mood: tired.

Ok, so week two has come and gone. Here are the results:

Starting weight: 297.6
Ending weight: 291.0
This week's loss: 6.6
Total loss: 14.0
Averaging 1.0 pounds lost per day.

Week two went well. I wasn't nearly as miserable as I was in week one. It's amazing that I'm already 14 pounds lighter than when I started. That's awesome.

This week my goal is to do something fitness related every day. Whether it's doing crunches and push-ups before bed, or going for a walk after dinner, or running on the treadmill, I need to do something physical every day. That's the goal. We'll see how I do.

Feeling awesome... Until my fitness test. 7:31 PM

Weight: 289.9
Mood: Chipper

My weigh-in was a little later than usual, as I slept in until 7:00. But I have to say I was quite thrilled with the 3 pound loss in one day. I'm sure my hike yesterday had a little bit to do with that.

Today was a perfect day. I got to spend time with my wife and Maddox for the whole day. No work, no distractions, no neighbors coming over asking us to put saran wrap on their arms (seriously... what?) or anything of the sort. I spent the morning wrestling with Maddox on the living room floor, because his favorite form of play with me now consists of him yelling "FIIIIIIGHT!!!!!" At the top of his little toddler lungs and running at me full throttle to attack.

After that, I applied online for a couple of jobs through the NFL's job hunt site. It's kind of a pipe dream of mine to work for an NFL Franchise in some capacity. Even if all I ended up doing was cleaning the sweat smell out of the locker rooms I'd be cool with that. Being that close to football would be awesome. Chances are though you need a college degree for a job like that. There's another thing to add to the "to-do" list: Get college degree in sweat-stain removal.

After that Jade and I went to Sequim to hit up the Wal-mart and go to Carrie Blake park. We played and played and then came home.

I decided that as part of this whole lifestyle change I'm doing, I wanted to do a benchmark fitness test to set a standard for me to improve on. After doing some research on the web I discovered the President's Challenge - Adult Fitness Test and decided to give it a go. The test has four different portions: a one mile walk or 1.5 mile run, half sit-ups, push-ups, and the sit and reach. I figure I'll do this test once a month as a means for tracking my progress.

Here were my results:

1.5 mile run time: 25:45 (5th percentile)
Half sit-ups (1 min): 40 (35th percentile)
Push ups (1 min): 4 (5th percentile)
Sit and reach: 12 inches (15th percentile)

Overall score: 15th percentile.

While I'm not super concerned with the percentile score, it does help to know where I stand compared to the rest of the people in my age group. And I guess it means I have plenty of room for improvement. My biggest thing was I wanted to have a starting point so I can see my progress with more than just the scale. It's another metric for me to follow because while losing the weight is a definite plus, I don't want to lose weight and just end up weak and flabby. I want to be healthy at a healthy weight as well.

So I guess this is just another starting point. As long as I keep staying active and stay the course with my eating habits, I feel confident about improvement.

Hiking with the brother and a chili dog pizza. 8:21 PM

Weight: 292.9
Mood: Physically spent

Today I got up at 3:30am, weighed in, and rushed off to be at work at 4:00. I ate really healthy today. I don't know what my body's doing, what with it hanging out at 292 and all, but I decided today that after work I was gonna do something about it.

After eating my lunch (a dynamite salad with chicken and peach-pineapple salsa), My brother and I went for a hike. It was so nice to spend some good time with Izzy talking about life and our weight loss and everything else. The weather was perfect, not too hot or too cold, no rain, and sunny. Altogether we hiked about 4 miles. The trail one-way is 2.7, but we turned around after about 2 miles because of the time.

Having Izzy in my life while I'm going through this is really good for me. He's someone I can throw ideas off of or talk with about struggles or just about anything. And I know he understands because he's been there. He's so much of an inspiration to me because I know all the hard work he's put in to get where he is. I only hope I can have the same drive as I work toward my own goals.

After we finished the hike we went to Wal-Mart and I picked up a De-lite pizza from Papa Murphy's. I had two slices with a good sized portion of salad, and felt full. Amazing. I never thought I'd see the day where two small slices of a super thin-crust pizza would even come close to filling me up. I used to put away half of a large pizza in a sitting with ease.

Since we're on the subject of pizza, allow me to be crazy for a moment. Awhile back I was thinking of the ultimate pizza that hadn't been created yet. It's hard to find something that hasn't been done in pizza form, since the pizza is such a great medium to use for all sorts of toppings and sauces and the like. One of my favorite foods from my childhood was a chili dog. If you don't believe me, read my first weigh in post. My mom would take two hot dogs, or polish sausages, whatever we had, put them in a hot dog bun, pile on a heaping ladle of chili, and top them with cheddar cheese and onions. If that isn't just a little slice of heaven then I don't know what is. So my crazy idea was to combine the two -- a chili dog pizza.

Now before you stop reading forever and report me to the funny farm hear me out. You take chili sauce (the chili that has no beans) and you put that on a pizza crust. Then you put down a combination of mozzarella and cheddar cheese, and top it with hot dogs (cut on a bias, if you wanna get fancy with it) and minced onion. Presto! Hot dog pizza. Try it. Eat it. Love it.

Anyways, odd pizzas aside, I feel like I had a good day. I guess the scale will let me know tomorrow.

Just so you know... 7:57 PM

Weight: 292.6
Mood: tired

Just a quick weigh in today. I have to get to bed early because I have to work tomorrow. I'll post something more exciting tomorrow.

Bike Ride! 8:42 PM

Weight: 292.8
Mood: Optimistic

I had so much fun today, in such a small amount of time. Side note -- Every time I try to type the word "such" on the keyboard, my first attempt is always the word "suck". It really suchs.

Work was the usual bane of my existence, but after that, I came home, hung out with the wife, and we went downtown to walk around, and I also had my eyes on the bike shop down there. I've been considering getting a mountain bike to use as an exercise tool. And after reading plenty on the internet about buying one, I decided to go in and see what they had. The lady at the store was really nice, helped me find a bike for my needs, fit the seat for my height, and even let me ride it around the block to see how it felt. Man, that ride was fun. I don't think I've ridden a bike once in my adult lifetime, and it was exciting to hop on one and ride around. I rode around the block a couple times, and took enough time for the shop owner to say to my wife "Wow, he must be having fun!" It was. It really was. And a workout too. I got off the bike and my legs felt like rubber.

I ended up walking out of the store bike-less, as I only entered to see what they had available. I want to shop around at a couple of other shops and see what else is out there. I also want to talk my brother into getting one as well so I have a riding buddy.

Yeah. Bike ride.

In other news, I fixed the comment thing to open up a pop up window, so you can leave comments now.

Stress and Steak. 7:54 PM

Weight: 294.1
Mood: Blahness.

Today was better than yesterday. I'm doing pretty well as far as disciplining myself to eat what's good for me. Packing my own lunch is a huge help. I think I might be getting the hang of this after all.

I realized today that stress, among other things, has contributed to my overeating in the past. Today was a stressful day at work for me, and it was everything I could do to say no to the huge basket of leftover Easter candy at my parent's house on my lunch break. When I get all worked up, in the past I've turned to food to calm me down. Not that it says alot, because I've turned to food for many reasons in my life. When I celebrated I'd celebrate with a pizza. When I was bored I'd open the fridge. When I was sad I'd turn to food to pick me back up. If I was going to stay up late I'd go get fast food and soda to make an event of it. Pretty much every aspect of my existence was attached to food.

I still love food. I think I should still have an attachment to it as well. I mean, I can't pound it down like I used too, but I think that I should still look forward to my meals, and enjoy the ones I do eat. That's why I decided that when I reach 280, signifying 25 pounds lost, I told my wife I wanted to go out for a nice steak, baked potato, and side salad. I think it's worth celebrating, provided I don't go crazy. Plus it gives me a short term incentive. It will be like the carrot hanging just out of arm's reach, pressing me onward.

Anyway, that's all for today.

The wall. 6:49 PM

Weight: 296.1
Mood: irritated

Today I found myself really forcing my way through today. I forced myself out of bed at 3:00 am, even though I didn't want to go, I forced myself into my truck to go to work, I forced myself to eat healthy stuff, and forced myself to do a pretty decent job watching what I ate today. Even though I could probably label today as being pretty successful, I feel like I wasn't. I just feel like there's a disconnect between what my head is telling my body to do, and what my body is actually doing. I am thinking thin, eating right, putting good, nutritious food into my body and I just don't feel any better throughout the day.

You know how you hear the diet stories like "Oh my gosh, I dropped like, five whole pounds and now I have energy up the wazoo! Yay me and my energy!" Well, I'm totally not feeling that yet. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm not feeling like I'm doing good, even though I know I am. Maybe I'm hitting "the wall" like runners do during a marathon. Geez. Did I actually compare eating better to a marathon? Really? There's nothing athletic about what I'm trying to accomplish (not yet anyways) yet I'm using a sports metaphor to describe how I'm feeling. Wow.

Well, either way, I will stay resolute, and stick to my guns. The end result of where I want to be is worth the few road bumps I'm going to hit along the way.

Monday... Oi. 8:42 PM

Weight: 297.6
Mood: hungry

First, a quick week one recap:

Starting weight: 305
Ending weight: 297.6
Total loss: 7.4
Approximately 1.057 pounds lost per day.

Not a bad first week. I did feel like I got my bell rung this morning when I stepped on the scale and it said I was 2 pounds heavier than yesterday. I know I didn't consume two pounds worth of fat more than I used yesterday. I will chalk some of the difference up to the fact that I haven't set a specific weigh-in time for myself, as my schedule varies too much to do so. Yesterday's weigh-in was at 7:30 am, and today's was at 3:00 am. In order for this to be more accurate, I have to buckle down and set a specific weigh-in time. Some of the added weight has to come from water as well, because I've been drinking water like crazy this weekend. These aren't excuses, I mean, I know I ate too much yesterday, but there's no way I ate THAT much. You're talking about consuming enough calories to maintain my current body weight, PLUS about 7,000 for two pounds of fat.

Regardless of the reasons for the sudden gain, it was a little disheartening to start my day that way. Not to mention this week I have to work 12 extra hours on top of my regular 40, including six hours on Saturday. So I get the feeling that this week is going to be an uphill climb. Pray for my wife and baby, they have to live with me this week. They are gonna need all the help they can get.

I could tell I was in a funk at work today because one of my co-workers said to me, with all the sarcasm he could muster, "Man, you look like a ray of sunshine right now." To which another co-worker, who knows of my blog, replied "Yeah, he's probably hungry!" It was enough to make me chuckle, but it had a bit of truth to it. I'd love to drive to Frugal's and pick up a double cheeseburger combo with seasoned fries and a chocolate shake and eat myself into a grease induced stupor, but I get the feeling that doing so would be slightly counter-productive.

Oh well. Momma said there'd be days like this.

Easter Feast-er 6:33 PM

Weight: 295.6
Mood: Bloated

Oh my gosh did I eat today.

When I woke up this morning I did my weigh-in, and was proud that I'd lost another pound. Yay! Easter rules! Then, we did things with the extended families, breakfast with the in-laws and dinner with my parents. Breakfast was good. I had a couple of scrambled egg and turkey bacon breakfast burritos, and some fresh fruit. Lunch was a big salad with a hard boiled egg and another slice of turkey bacon. By dinner, my resolve was about as strong as the Seahawks' offensive line (if you don't follow NFL, the 'Hawks were terrible this year). The menu: ham, scalloped potatoes, carrots, salad, and dinner rolls. And boy did I eat it all.

I started out with one slice of ham, a modest helping of scalloped potatoes, some carrots. I ate that, and decided I wanted some more. So I went back for a second helping about the same size. Still hungry, I decided a salad would be a good choice, so I took another slice of ham, chopped it up, and did a good size salad with it. A couple of cupcakes and some Easter candy later, I officially threw in the towel. And now I'm paying the price for it.

As I sit in my recliner plugging away my pants are unbuttoned, belt undone, and my stomach is making churning, gurgling noises and gestures like a washing machine with nothing but heavy sweaters loaded in it in a lopsided fashion. If my stomach gets any more agitated I might just start bouncing around out of control because of it.

Although I over ate today, in a sense I fully expected to. And nothing that I ate today was completely, horribly wrong to eat. I just ate too much of it. And, compared to the way I ate before I got serious about my wellness, today would have just been considered a normal day. I could pound food down like this and MORE on a holiday, without even breaking a sweat.

Eating aside, today was an amazing day. Seeing my son on his first Easter egg hunt was a memory I'll have for a lifetime. He was so excited and although it took a little bit of coaching to get him started, he was an egg finding pro by the time the day was done. After dinner I did get outside with my brother and threw the football around. We ran some passing patterns and I worked up a pretty decent sweat. Hopefully doing that took a bite out of all the food I destroyed.

I feel pretty good about how I handled my first "healthy" holiday, but I know that there's always room for improvement. I can always do better, and as long as I keep moving forward, I know I'll be fine. Tomorrow's another day, and I'm back on the wagon. We'll see what my weigh-in looks like in the morning. I'll think thin thoughts and dream slim dreams tonight. That ought to count for something.

Eating... Is my business. And business is good. 8:08 PM

Weight: 297
Mood: pleasant

Today was an all-around great day. I decided to keep myself occupied with chores to keep my mind off of food. My brother Izzy stopped by and helped me clean the garage today. I owe a lot of why I'm trying to get healthy to him. At the end of summer this year, he weighed 320 pounds. After several attempts of trying to get healthy and coming short, this January, he got serious about his health and is now sitting in my living room at a svelte 245. Seeing his success has spurred me on to make the changes I need to make. It's great that I have someone to talk to about what I'm going through who has experienced it and can understand in a way like not many other people would. He's awesome.

After cleaning the garage, we went to Subway and got sandwiches for lunch. Mmm, subs. Then, He, Jade, Maddox and I went for a walk on the waterfront trail. All in all a very eventful and active day. Yay.

It's simple... If it jiggles, it's fat. 8:00 PM

My brother sent me this... it made me laugh. If you don't like loud heavy music, then disregard this post.

Gettin' by with a little help from my friends. 6:14 PM

Weight: 299.8
Mood: TGIF

Ahh, Friday. I'm so glad to arrive at another weekend. This week has been good, but I'm glad it's over. My job can get pretty busy, so I look forward to two days at home with my wife and son.

One thing I worry about the weekend is it's lack of routine. Jade and I never really make big plans, and normally I find myself stuffing my face all day because I can't think of anything better to do. If you give me the option between eating my way out of a fort made of ice cream sandwiches or mowing the lawn, I'm pretty sure there's going to be a crap-load of cookie crumbs in the living room. So I really need to be deliberate this weekend about staying away from the kitchen. I'm proud of my progress this week, and would hate to ruin it with a weekend of making bad choices.

I already decided early on that I'm not going to deny myself anything while I'm making this change. If I really want a particular food item and there's no way I'm going to take my mind off of it, I am going to eat it. I'm just going to be very careful not to overdo it, and to know my limits. For example, I know that Sunday I'll be going out for breakfast with Jade's parent's, as well as doing dinner at my parent's house. So if I step on the scale and there's no change or I even gain a little, I'm not going to let it get to me.

I've fallen into that pitfall before -- where you rely so much on the scale that when it doesn't show you the result you hoped for, you lose all motivation in trying. This isn't a diet for me. This isn't a program. The scale is just one tool that measures my progress. What I'm attempting is a lifestyle change. I've made 25 years of poor choices for my body. 25 years of pizza and video games and ice cream have made me what I am today. I know it's going to take more than a week for me to undo that. My main goal is to simply do a little better every day, regardless of what the scale reads. Eventually, the number on the scale will catch up with where I am going.

I have a great support system helping me through this. My best friend Drew is sending me health tips that he's used and learned while in the Army, and my friend Barron has sent me motivating messages as well. My brother goes to school during the day, and works a full time job in the evenings, and although I haven't even said but three words to him since I started this on Monday, he left a note in the fridge at my parent's house that read "Way to go Lou!" It totally made my day. I am just so terribly thankful for the people that have come alongside me.

As much as I'm doing this for myself, I get a true sense of satisfaction in knowing that there are people out there watching me do this. And I don't want to let down any of them either. I feel like everyone who comments on what I'm doing, gives me motivation, encouragement, tips, or anything, is investing in my success. And that's something that reaffirms my resolve.

Besides, it's gonna look really bad if I start this thing at 305 and end up a 400-pound monster with all of the world watching. I've done some pretty fat-kid things in the past, but that would just be absurd.

On a side note, a little bit of a rule change. Since I haven't established a regular weigh-in time, I'm going to change my weigh-in time to the morning. I'll also be using my scale upstairs instead of the Wii. It's rude. I'll post more on that another day.

Food Network is like porn to me. 8:30 PM

Weight: 300
Mood: Satisfied

I just got done watching the Food Network show "Good Eats" starring Alton Brown. Today's show was about sandwiches. If you were to look up the definition for the term "right up my alley" and I were the person making the dictionary, there would be a big fat sub sandwich at the top of the page. Of course, there would probably be little subs on the borders of the pages, a watermark that looked like a hamburger, and if you licked the printed paper it would taste like bacon. But that's why I don't print dictionaries.

Watching Food Network actually is still enjoyable. I thought that it would be torture to watch all of this delicious food on display, but I think it makes me feel better about what I'm doing. I feel like how I've used food has done it a disservice. I haven't truly enjoyed food because I was so hell bent on devouring it. You know that moment at the end of a cooking show where the person preparing the food puts it on a plate, their eyes light up, and they take that first bite, and it's like a million little sticks of dynamite go off in their eyes as they moan "Mmmmmm" with everything in them? I've never had that. I've always had a tendency to just rush through a meal so I could beat whoever I was eating with the the last slice, piece, or helping.

So today, for a change, I simply enjoyed the food I ate. Jade made tacos for dinner, and as I took a bite, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the contrast of the warm meat and the crisp cool lettuce. I tasted the sweetness of tomato in the salsa and how it paired with the richness of the avocado. It was epic. It was delicious. I am so glad that I slowed down and savored every bite.